they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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