Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
