you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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