i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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