Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
