Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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