I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
