Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
