I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
