4 words: hood of his car
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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