Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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