Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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