he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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