im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this boner is exhausting
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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