I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
