If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
