I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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