one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
