Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
