she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize