omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
