all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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