i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
