My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
