So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
