Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize