I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
