just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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