his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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