This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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