just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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