That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
