i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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