I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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