Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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