You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
