Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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