Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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