If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
there is glitter all over my balls
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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