goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
