Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
