just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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