This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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