i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
