i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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