just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
