i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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