I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
