Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did i just pee glitter
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
