please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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