it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i've created a new STD.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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