If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Randomize
