Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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