well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
