see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
