omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
