Reggie can tackle my bush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
