I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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