Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
