btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
