the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
