I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
