mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
