Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
