chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Come share oat with me in your robe
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
