you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
