whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
