Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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