Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
