I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
