I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
