Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
