Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize