Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
