i came on her dog
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
