piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
