Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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