dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
