Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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