You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
