Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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