he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my shit smells like andre
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
