A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
