you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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