Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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