I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
