What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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