Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
