I'm going to jail i love you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
