I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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