Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
