so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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