I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
PANTIES FOUND
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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