is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
