if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
