me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize