You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
